I like vampires. I like werewolves too and other canine shape-shifters but now everything’s been tainted by Twilight.

What happened to the savage men, women, and children? Those feral, nomadic, powerful-yet-sometimes-vulnerable beings that sleep underground or in the woods? Underworld may not be the best supernatural movie ever but I really like that Lucian guy - now there’s a good werewolf example.

Jacob Black? What kind of werewolf resembles a clean-cut television jock with a protein-rich diet from a teenage drama? Oh wait, it IS teenage drama (disguised as…something else). Teenage dramas can’t survive without a studcake or two, even if none of them look credible as werewolves. And wear Von Dutch off-cam.

I sense a reverse sort of sexism snowballing in the minds of this new crop of feminine youth, their standards cultivated with unrealistic ideals in a man and a “relationship.” It will be a little difficult for its hard-core fans to deal with facts due to this warped fantasy that is allowed to be indulged in, as if the pre-existing princess fantasy isn’t already awful enough.

The genre is supernatural but so toned-down and washed out that a worse form of sensitizing is taking place. The old vampire tales are much more macabre, complex, and out of this world which make them very easy to distinguish as fiction and harder for impressionable young minds to access, much less to emulate or idealize.

That is not what vampires are like. The mythos is certainly not Gothic-exclusive but its allure and genius has been so raped and butchered by someone who “can’t write worth a damn.” [To vampire/werewolf elitists who don’t think I have watched or read enough to rant: shut up; I’m on your side.]

Typical defense from a fan would be “your taking it too serously!! just enjoy it!” No I can’t not take it seriously. I have personal reasons too: it’s fucking up stuff I like. It already invaded the theatres and I just want some extra-alone-time but have nothing to watch.  I was also set on getting a circular tattoo on my deltoid and then Jacob has one. You’re helping kill the new image of girls which took decades to almost accomplish: go-getting, liberated, self-assured, not-embarrassing, and sane with an actual personality - traits the Bella you wish you were is completely void of. Did I mention not embarrassing and sane?